Posted by: the queen | January 17, 2010

RACE!

yea…..idk would this post be traceable to me?

anyway, I just have some political commentaries to make.

aie, my sis just stepped out of the loos so it’s my turn. oh well, commentaries can come tomorrow.

i just need a pore pack. NOW.

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Posted by: the queen | January 17, 2010

no, i’m not interested in your cooking hobbies.

i think it’s sick that you’re actually hoping that he will reciprocate.

go gush over your cooking abilities with someone else. i’m not interested in the fine arts of cooking unless it’s to feed myself.

Posted by: the queen | January 1, 2010

this is the Absolute Last Time

Normally I would not let myself make this post. But seriously? I feel a need to defend myself. If I don’t get it out of my system I will forever be plagued.

Some days ago I wrote a post. A very witty post I thought. About Sezairi winning Idol. Now I don’t have anything against it – other than the fact that he’s ugly, can’t sing, and that I don’t really give a damn who wins.

Here’s my award-winning piece on that issue.

well, yes. I don’t give a —- about it. but my curiosity killed me.

cos my friend today, she sent me an sms telling her that she was back from wherever she’d been, cos I told her that I’d lost my number and could she msg me when she got back so we could go out.

I asked her when she was free, and her reply?

“VOTE FOR SEZAIRI!!!”

Now thinking about it it could be some kind of virus. But well, at that moment, I simply gagged and told her that I do not do this kind of thing. Hello??? If you’re still watching Singapore Idol or any kind of idol, you need a life. And you know you really do, because I’m saying it, and we all know that I of all people, have nothing resembling a life.

Get 2 lives while you’re add it. For the purging process.

So because of this kind reminder to vote for yet another Malay humbalangbee, it piqued my interest this fine night (when I could be curled up reading Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. Yes, I own that!!!) to look at whether, finally, a woman was man enough to win.

Apparently not.

My sis told me this a few days ago, when Singapore’s pathetic TV channels were booming the ads for Idol – “The guy cannot win. If he win, surely racial riot!!!!”

I was like hello?? Chinese people got better things to do than CARE about Singapore Idol, ok? They are there beating our asses in everything, like Maths exams!!!

Then she was like, do you know why Taufik and Hady won? Because “who else so free and so stupid to vote?”

Then it hit me. MALAY GIRLS. Jobless and/or married to some useless mamat, with nothing better to do than fangirl over every single Malay —- (I censor this because I will probably get beaten up in the streets otherwise. I may have done silat for awhile, but I don’t think I stand a chance against a gang of fangirls. or fanboys. whoever.) that makes it onstage.

So this outcome kind of was the sign. If again, the Malay mamat, although he completely cannot sing (I’ve heard him ok) and looks so ugly that my friend actually told me he looked like ME which has to be some kind of indication, wins, nothing has changed.

Malay girls still got nothing better to do and they are the only ones who are going on and on about Idol, which was so, like, the Middle Ages.

And I got proof!! Right in my mobile inbox!!!

Oh, the shame.

Is there a If-there-is-one-more-season-of-idol-we-will-do-a-street-protest group on FB? Cos I’m with ya!

–that’s it.

I had no, I repeat no, idea that across the island, Malay females in university were similarly ranting. Probably to defend themselves from being lumped in that same category who would actually waste money on this pointless activity.

And I thought that was that, you know? I mean, the next day, what happened was my friend told me of her observations that the only people who were responding so furiously or negatively or whateverly were all Malay girls. I told her, well what do you expect? Chinese people have better things to do (as I underlined in my FB piece). Why would they be wasting their lives even thinking about a competition that does nothing but take up precious airwaves and sucks SMS money?

So are you saying Malay girls have no lives?

Yes, is my answer. If you have a life, you would not be giving half a shit about this. I’ve already told you I have no life and I admit to it.

I summed it up (we all agreed on it) by this sentence: real talent doesn’t need votes.

And of course! I have a friend who used to do gigs in pubs. Of course she’s not going to go enter Idol! What, and kill her reputation and social life and respect by those in her trade forever? Not to mention she would lose self respect for herself, and us for her!

Then this whole media hooha about Sezairi winningblablabla. Let me just point out some flaws in those articles.

1. Equal no.s of Malay and chinese turning up.

Turning up doesn’t actually need money like voting does. You think Chinese people will be stupid enough to vote 5 times for him? Yes, they might be stupid enough to go waste one evening of their life. (probably to support some talent. oh wait, doesn’t exist.) But not to waste money on an ugly guy with a big nose, fat lips, and cannot sing!

It is NOT about turnout, TNP. It is ultimately about voting. And let’s face it – the only people who will actually waste their $$$ (and even $$ they don’t have) is the other race. (the one who’s failing the maths exams.)

(see!! even fail maths exams, as if you need any more concrete proof!)

And let’s not kid ourselves. From the beginning, there was no talent. (yeah ok, tabitha was fine. As evidenced by the rage her now crazy and violent fans are experiencing.) Because like i said, any self respecting artiste who wants to make it big will not be stupid enough to kill their career by joining idol.

Mistake no. 2: Taufik and Hady have gone far? Gone far where?? taufik probably hasn’t been selling any albums, minus the ones some diehards bought for him. Hady released one…and it didn’t even make the billboard fronts the way Taufik’s at least did once.

I’ve seen noseboogers go further!

Nonsense!

And what was the most disappointing of all? Remember Friend who could not be bothered to reply me back with an answer to my question, but instead asked me to vote for a bignosed biglipped ugly git who looks just like me?

She actually got so angry /touched/outraged/whatever by people screaming foul that she took it upon herself to write letters out to TNP/ST/lianhe zaobao/tamil murasu- oh wait, those newspapers DON’T CARE.

I am so ashamed to have her as a friend, I’m never contacting her ever again.

Well, fine. You do what you want, we do what we want, we should respect each other even with difference in opinions.

But what I am so annoyed with is this happiness that oh, at least malayu are doing good at something.

OH MY GOD. WAKE UP. THEY ARE PRECISELY USING THAT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE LOSERS, REVOLT AND THEN PASANG BOMBS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

It makes me really pissed to see orang Islam eating out of their hands like this. Nonsense! Kita patut galakkan benda lain! Bukan galakkan all this nonsense nyanyi2…for what??? adakah ia akan membawa kebaikan kepada masyarakat? come on lah, he not even making enough money to give charity. and even if he pasang konsert, saper nak pegi!

tu pun duit takda berkat! duit keluar dari maksiat.

nonsense! you go and support masyarakat islam, orang islam berpeluk2an dengan yang bukan muhrim onstage…very appalling.

aku tak tau ape lagi nak cakap.

Posted by: the queen | December 19, 2009

full of vulgarities. not for the offended

1. Is it so much to ask for you to figure out that I am back? Look, it’s not like i’m pulling one over you. I applied for that much leave and I came back to do my invigilation. And I don’t even get my fucking stipend. What the fuck is wrong with you? do you think that I give a fuck about getting a MA degree? At this fucking institution? It’s like the entire place is full of fucking idiots.

2. And what the fuck? how the fuck am I supposed to apply for a language module if I don’t even fucking konw the schedule, much less mY OWN schedule? this is just really fucked. you guys are fucked. I know why hislop wants to get the fuck out, but I’m beginning to think that everyone in NUS has got to be fucked to stay on.

or just desperate for a livelihood. It’s only a measly step above scrabbling for food in the fucking sewer.

I am not and never have been proud to be with NUS. I should have made that fucking clear when that telemarketeer surveyor called me. But i was in a good mood and I was nice. NICE! I WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING NICE. HAHAHAHAHA. oh the irony it kills me.

and if this cannot be fixed by Monday, I just fucking am going to say you can fuck off. I am getting the fuck out of here.

–> edited and moved from eljay. I have stopped blogging here so much i actually forgot I had a blog here for that purpose!

after all eljay is my censored blog. this is the notholdingback blog.

why am I so mad and so full of hate towards NUS? I can understand that the world is full of shit and people will give you shit. But what sucks the most about NUS is that they have been giving me shit for years. And they’re not even sorry about it. Plus, they pretend that they’re not full of shit. which is bullshit! you can give me as much as shit and I’ll take it just so you admit it. Stop flaunting your stupid ranking because you don’t deserve it. It’s such an embarrassment and humiliation, you know that????

This is why they are fool of shit.

1. They don’t allow you in based on merit. That is, they have a preset quota. If the reason why we have so many fucking PRCs is because they are smart, FINE. but if you’re paying them to come here purposely, and then they take our jobs because you have some crazy quota to fill, you can just tell what kind of a fucked up university it is. one day someone’s gonna have 4 fucking As and he/she’ll never be able to get in. but then again, if he/she has 4 fucking As, he/she’ll be smarter than me, and just not enroll.

Malaysia, buck up so we have more fucking options.

2. the whole RO fandango. They have the gull to change the handbook at their will. And then you rudely find out. They can bother to email you ONE YEAR LATER after the change to tell you that you’ve been fucked by the system. In an oh so “oh-i-hope-you-realised-that-this-mod-cannot-be-used-as-what-what-what.” fucking tone. And so you say sure, you know, but you could be so nice as to tell us directly in an email, fucker. and then you go “omgz I’m so sorry.” And then later, you change BACK the system to its original, thereby ruining the lives of 2094809 people,once again without no direct email, but in a tiny paragraph in a circular that’s 45879 pages long. And you expect us to fucking read it. i asked for a fucking email, like the one you sent a year after you made the fucking change. one that I didn’t have to comb through 54890 pages of shit to find. don’t try to save your ass. you fucking well know that the reason you didn’t email us was because you knew there’d be hell to pay.

only that the majority of us are so dumbfucked that we can’t be fucked to pay hell.

So for that you fucker, you can expect me never to forgive you. do you know how miserable my life was???? not to mention other people?!?!?

fucking idiots.

3. they say they’re so good. top 30 and whatnot. Bullshit, as Eddie Murphy will say with much gusto. the only reason why they’re good is because someone up there paid or screwed their way onto the list, or that list is fucked. Any decent list will not have us there.

OH HOLD ON. I forgot. There IS only one valid reason why we’re there. We paid a bunch of foreigners a ludicrous amount of money to teach here, because apparently they wouldn’t be fucked to teach there otherwise. And we’ve all heard just about 2840928 times how the local profs are paid lower than their foreign profs. hello~1 million dollar guy from LSE.

I encourage all the profs to MOVE TO NTU man. IDK if it’s any better but anywhere’s gotta better than this ridiculous farce of a university who’s so caught up in its own fucking pretentious shit.

I’ve read the requirements to get on those rankings and we failed basically in every other aspect, such as extent of being quoted in academic books/journals. HAH. nobody from NUS was notable enough to be quoted in notable academic writing. So even on an academic level (which is pretty much bullshit but if you ask me makes the most sense for the ranking) NUS basically SUCKED.

So it REALLY ANNOYS ME when everyone’s like ZOMGZOMGZOMG YOU’RE FROM NUS ZOMG. i’m like zomg WHAT? it is a uni full of bullshit. PLEASE don’t buy into that bullshit people. PLEASE. the only reason you think we’re good is because someone wanked the media. IF YOU BUY IT – well the look on my face is enough. And I won’t stop until I rectify your understanding about how bullshit the place is.

hence this entry.

people deserve to know, man! they deserve to know!

…i THINK I’M WATCHING TOO MANY BLACK MOVIES.

4. Contracts that you make with them? they have the fucking right to change it at will. now in any other country (like the You-Ass) that would just be fucking unacceptable and against the law. They would be protected by some kind of rights. But no. All we’re protected is by our own smart ways to keep our fucking mouth shut.

So that means that 1. they are able to change the amounts they pay you. You’ll never know that they’re gonna deduct the amount they said they’re gonna pay you – until after you’re almost good and done to signed the contract. after you’ve gone through allt he fucking bullshit of applications. that is what you fucking get, for being such a stupid fuck to have actually applied in the first place.

2. they are able to change basically anything else. and you can’t say anythign about it. all you can say is you’ve been fucked by nus and all you got was this lousy tshirt.

and we don’t even get a fucking tshirt.

that is the ways in which i have been fucked by the system. I know that other people have been fucked by NUS in other ways that I’ve no idea of because I haven’t yet reached that level in which I am forced to be shat upon in greater extents.

oh yeah there’s wait one more.

5. they’ll actually raise fees in an economic crisis. Will you believe it? and then NUSSU has to go to the incredible great show of asking them not to. maybe it’s a getup to have NUSSU look good. but in the first place, what kind of a fucked getup is it???? it’s not even funny!!! some people actually don’t have money!!!!

that’s something they’ll never fucking get.

So yes. I can be patient, I can forgive anything else that gives me bullshit. But NUS? we have had a long history, fucker. and you can expect me not to to forgive you and your fucking system, and you can expect me to tell every single person I meet about how fucked you up because you don’t deserve the ridiculous amount of prestige you somehow managed to scrabble up.

deep down could be a desire to not wanna do MA. but you know what? no that’s not true. I would like to do an MA. except that I DO NOT WANT TO DO AN MA SPECIFICALLY WITH THIS FUCKUP OF A UNIVERSITY. hell ANY OTHER PLACE would have been good. any other fucking place. it’s needing to put up with the fact that I am on the payroll of one of the most fuckedup institutions of hte entire world that fucks me up so much. that is why I have probably been driven to the edges of insanity.

yeah. now that we have that settled. It won’t take much for me to throw in the towel fucker. except that I could stay int eh system just to find out how much of a fuckup you are, and then narrate the list to any misled soul. but you’re not even worth that.

nothing is worth staying with this fucked up institution except the fact that

1. no job took me in

2. my teachers (the poor souls)

and they’re there because they’ve no place to go (like me.)

as my advisor says when you’ve got to feed someone you’ll do anything, even stay at such a fuckup of a place. well yeah. he’s almost at quitting point and so am I. but really seriously. I’m mercenary and the only reason why I’m here is because you’re giving me financial compensation. You’re buying my allegiance.

so when you fuck around with that, that’s it. If i’m not getting my fucking money i might as well be elsewhere, fuckers. I figure “they’ve fucked my stipend up” is a prettty damn good reason to quit because I need to eat. just like TH says what do you eat otherwise, grass???

yeah. i can take any kind of other bullshit – i’ll just keep it in my memory bank and just tell the whole world about it – but you do not fuck with my stipend. if you do, you can expect me not to stay.

oh yeah reason no. 7. or what i can’t rem: they are so fucking stuckup that when they’re the ones who make the fucking mistakes, apparently they are fucking rude about it.

now i don’t mean to generalise. there are some (few) good people probably abound. if there are i havne’t met the majority of them. but a few rotten eggs is enough to make the entire system fucked. i’m not against any one individual (mostly. they might have been stuck in that system) but i am against those individuals who have caused all the fuckups in the system. I’ll never stop berating you – that was the promise i made (directly to you) and I”ll keep it. i’m a woman of my words. you really dont deserve the kind of WAA that people seem to have. it’s too bad. i won’t have anyone thinking wrongly that you are an institution worth existing.

Posted by: the queen | December 14, 2009

i get annoyed when everyone makes such a big damn deal of my work. no, it’s nothing to be so proud of. no need to go all masya’Allah on me. It’s stupid. it doesn’t actually require brains or intellect. I”m sorry but I’ve never had much respect for the so called soft sciences, being someone who studies it herself. I’m more impressed by Maryam, for example, who is doing her Ph. D in architecture in Japan, and entirely in Japanese some more. now THAT requires real brains and studying. Or some of my other remarkable interviewees. I feel ridiculous compared to them. so stop. saying. that. my research is interesting/useful/worthwhile blablabla. it is not and we all know it. don’t kid yourselves, don’t kid me, and stop annoying me. let this sink in please: I’M NOT PROUD TO BE DOING SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T TAKE BRAINS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

stop asking what i do for a living. what does it concern you? stop asking what my field is. I couldn’t give a shit and you would do well to stay out of my business. stop asking what my research is on. it’s a pile of bullshit and if it weren’t i would be gushing all about it but since I’m not you should do well to STOP. ASKING. take a hint, people.

I think next time I”m just gonna lie through my teeth and say I’m doing my master’s in herbology or something. maybe transfiguration. or i’m writing a thesis to prove that Twilight is full of shit. eih, it wouldn’t be much worse than what I’m actually writing about.

right now i’m done ranting, back to processing the pile of shit.

and also pls don’t talk to me about my work. pls don’t unless i authorize you, unless you want me to strangle you to death or cull your eyes out with a dull scythe. authorized people know who you are. if you’re wondering if you’re authorized, that means you’re NOT. ok. I hate speaking about my work and you all know it, so don’t make me any more unpleasant than i absolutely have to be.

oh, I”m pretty sure i’ll make a smacking cheerful labourer at the rate I’m going.

Posted by: the queen | November 26, 2009

finally met the other MA person. she’s really nice and funny and she’s pretty too. she’s a bit the snappy gen type, the kind who’s very kakkoi rather than ladylike and sweet girl type (I like to think of myself as a neutral androgynous type. I’m not very agressive but I’m not the girly type either. I”m like a blank. maybe a zero.), really really reminds me of something like gen or mari (but mari I think would probably be more similar to me, as she’s not as outwardly as agressive/intimidating as Gen can be) so yeah. already she’s invited me out for some cookout tomorrow night, but as it’s hari raya haji (thank god) I had to say no. the dept is going to find out how really antisocial I am…

i’m serious. I don’t quite like to go out. (my mom thinks otherwise). I like to go out. ALONE. without anyone in my face….I can do it occasionally to catch up with friends, but frankly speaking i find it a hassle and would rather sit at home and watch the tube, clack away, or sth. going out can tire me in many ways so. but if i have a purpose, like if I owe someone a meal, gifts and so on, yeah, of course I’d call them up and ask them to hang. but as in I know some people who make it a point to socialize, maybe ring up a few friends every weekend or every night, even, or make it a point to get involved…i’m not that kind of person. i don’t make it a point to do anything at all, and i’d prefer to sit back and watch clouds or something.

but i suppose i have more friends that I might even care for, so I’ve never had to feel what it’s like to be friendless. there’s always someone who’s rung me up or asked me to hang out. but I know people who are constantly with their friends and sometimes, I find their lifestyle irksome, because I’m quite “home-is-important-people-are-boring” ish in my thinking. when i watch them i feel tired.

anyway. ken, maybe because i was 2 feet away from him, asked me “you’re…” and i filled in the blank and he nods, in a way that makes me know dr l. has probably talked to him about me. that’s nice and not nice in a way. i really rather sink into a wall and be camouflaged for the remainder of my tenure, but already i’m becoming a bit famous. much too famous for my liking. i’ve never wanted to be famous because I do a lot of stupid things (like swear and get in trouble with authority) and when a lot of people know you, you just can’t do what you want anymore.

speaking of which, i had my first taste of a little bit of work. but I’m beginning to think that I should take this TAing thing as a service sector job. to always make people feel treasured, that they are worth – and I sincerely do believe so, really. Everyone deserves courtesy, and even more, if you can do it for them…it’s just the little bit we can do for mankind, so that it won’t regress to cavemanish behaviour. which i think singapore is pretty typical of…but I am very heartened by how students would say thank you and how they would be grateful that you say “oh, I think this might be a bit too light, so could you please shade it again, better not to risk it” or if you point out mistakes in their shading they’ll be really grateful and they say thank you. singapore’s young still have a hope. they’re not pissed that you know, you’re checking their papers and wasting their time…they actually do appreciate that you’re just trying ot make sure they don’t fail because of a wrong shading or something.

it’s lovely, and I did enjoy myself very much. every interaction i’ve had with all the students was very heartening. they were understanding and courteous and polite, and i did get some funny looks especially when i was scrutinizing their matric numbers to check, but I believe they eventually got it, and even if they didn’t at least they tolerated. (for all iknow they could be bitching about the over-zealousness of the invigilators right now, but dr h did tell them about people who failed because of such things and so I really do hope they understood the lengths we’ve had to go to just to ensure that they can get the marks they’ve wasted 2 hours of life for. )

I’m quite happy htat around 90% ofthe people whom I collected papers from would say tahnk you. maybe the percentage is probably higher. near 100% i should think. maybe even 100%. so courteous!

I hope that next batch’s students will be just as nice and understanding adn that we can work well together. I will certainly try my best as a ridiculously bumbling RS to help them figure out the shit that is academia, but I’ve taught before and I know things aren’t always nice and tickety boo. they’ll give you bad reviews, they’ll bitch abou tyou maybe – hell i was a student once adn i still am – but I would like to at least do my bit for them from my heart and for God. after all, things like reviews and shti don’t matter in the grave anyway. just as this japanese muslim convert(really lovely lady) said, sometimes, you do things and nobody gives a shit. But God does, no matter how small it is…that made me stop writing and really struck me to the core. which is why I’ve never (or at least i have tried, up to this point in my life) done things hoping that in the future someone else will reward me or will recognize it. as long as God recognizes it it’s good. if i give my seat up, i hope that God will reward me by inspiring someone else to give up their seat for my mother.

i am grateful to be of a faith which requires so much practice and remembrance. praying 5 times a day, for example. some times I feel really, really sorry for people who don’t believe in anything, who think that everything is just a myth or a social construct or wahtever. I feel really,r eally sad for them. because life becomes liek an empty shell for them. and i’m so grateful that every day, i wake up, and i am required to pray 5 times a day to be tahnkful for the situation that i’m in, that i don’t have muscle dystrophy, that i’m not fighting fo rmy life, because there are somepeople who are in so much more worse positions than i am and yet they are inspired to live life fully and to appreciate life for its beauty. i don’t think that if i dind’t pray 5 times a day i would remember God’s blessings. who would? few. and not often enough. even then praying 5 times we will never truly be able to comprehend the gravity of God’s gifts and blessings on us, someone said somewhere. but at least it is an effort to periodically remind us of who we are and how lucky we are to be where we are.

God has given me so many things that I could never think of it, But the greatest gift I think He has given me, is of happiness.

Posted by: the queen | November 4, 2009

ima ichiban aitai no wa kimi da.

ima ichiban soba ni ite hoshii no wa kimi da.

watashi no koto kangaeteru no ka na.

watashi no koto mo wasurechatta no ka na.

watashitachi wa mou tomodachi ni nareru no ka na.

watashitachi wa mou shiranai hito ni naru no ka na.

kimi mitai aishite kureta hito ga iru no ka na.

kimi mitai watashi ni yasashiku shite kureta hito ga iru no ka na.

sugoku muzukashikatta kedo, kimi wo mikaketa toki

kurushikatta keredomo egao o shinakattan da kedo

sono hou ga iin ja nai ka to omottete

demo yappari

ima made,

kore kara,

zutto aishiteimasu.

Posted by: the queen | October 7, 2009

emo times

. sorry. still emo-ing.

it strikes me as incredibly funny that whenever I am far at home, I kind of think of ______ a lot more than if I was at home. to say that I have nothing to do…well not really. But I guess the time I went to Japan IT had kinda just happened and I saw it as an opportunity to escape, but I thought about it a lot – the distance between us.

This time I kind of find myself wondering a lot of things. Things like how we used to discuss about, well, my research topic here now, in general…since we both have an interest in it. How he has a close Japanese dude friend…that was really far behind, wasn’t it?

I figure that recent events was probably partly the result of nostalgia on his part. Maybe she doesn’t say silly things I do and maybe she’s not as crazy. She’s not as whacked, she’s not as stubborn and wakarinikui. Or something. Maybe he found me entertaining. Heck, I find myself entertaining.

But I think she’s a lot better for you than I am, honestly speaking. I know it’s not my place to say, and I know in a sense that our extremely horrible sense of humour sometimes so hard to be understood by others probably makes us some kind of a kindred spirit kind of thing. But well, it’s more than that, ainnit?

I know I say all the time that I don’t give a shit anymore, but funnily enough I still remember the most ridiculous details, like your favourite dish, your allergies, your likes and dislikes, your arse annoying habits. When I grilled salmon and tasted how delicious it was, I thought, hah, you’re sure missing out…because we both have salmon as our favourite fish. Every time I cook something nice, just like my excellent brownies, I’m reminded of how I was so gung ho about cooking (and baking. but we won’t go there because i’m a failure in that department.)

on that note I am a damn good cook. I will say it again and again. Because…well i like waht i cook! you wanna make something of it?

And then there’s you who for some weird reason, I successfully manage to forget except in very trace amounts. I think I’m getting used to your non-presence, but I suppose the stupid song reminds me that I’m basically whipped.

You know what, I think you’re weird. But I like it anyway. Because I will tell it to you without blinking an eye, and you would defend yourself or get defensive but I know you don’t mind and you know that I’m just being myself.

Every time I’m reminded of the time when you said “I love you, I really do,” i think my heart will shatter over and over again. How was I going to say that I love you, I really do, too?

Which is why I know I could not bring myself to love anybody else, I think. I don’t think there could be anyone else I love more than you.

(I exclude God and my mom, duh. that’s a different category.)

Posted by: the queen | September 19, 2009

accomplishments

finished wiping out glass fronted cabinets and filled them with stuff.

threw out everything on the dastardly top cabinets that i have previously not touched. wiped them. filled them with some stuff.

all story books are neatly arranged on wiped top shelf of desk.

so tomorrow my mission is to try and complete the desk. haha.make it look nice in time for monday….but ah heck it. i have never had my room ready for raya…maybe i had, but in those years that i had, i did a lot of superficial cleaning i.e. those cabinets with junk so horrible i dare not delve into, i left them alone or stuffed them with more junk.

the only times i opened these cans/cabinets of worms was when i went to japan. i.e. then (cleaned out all sch stuff, which took a month and basically after that i had no more strength nor time to open any more cans) and, now. which is a lot easier. i just ..throw and throw and throw. my dad was like, omg. so much rubbish! i’m like yeh. (don’t look at them. centuries of old bags, the like.)

sick and tired. I’ve actually devised a very shortcut face ritual for days when i’m feeling horrible – just tea tree oil all over the face. at least it kills the bacteria. not bad too.

i’m gonna just finish with doing hte days’ accounts, maybe do a bit of budget planning, and then maybe curl up with my Ootp or some other book.

Posted by: the queen | September 19, 2009

the obligatoire hari raya post

uh, actually i wanna pray but seems a pity not to listen to takbir while it’s playing.

I have a sore throat, which no one wants the day before hari raya, but oh well. I’m pumping loads of lozenges in. hope it won’t affect my hormones. they don’t need any more imbalance.

i’m, well, my room is still a spectacular mess. but i’m a very slow cleaner. probably won’t finish by today. hahahaa. but well, i’ve loads of matches to watch it through, not to mention telly. no problem.

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