Posted by: the queen | October 7, 2009

emo times

. sorry. still emo-ing.

it strikes me as incredibly funny that whenever I am far at home, I kind of think of ______ a lot more than if I was at home. to say that I have nothing to do…well not really. But I guess the time I went to Japan IT had kinda just happened and I saw it as an opportunity to escape, but I thought about it a lot – the distance between us.

This time I kind of find myself wondering a lot of things. Things like how we used to discuss about, well, my research topic here now, in general…since we both have an interest in it. How he has a close Japanese dude friend…that was really far behind, wasn’t it?

I figure that recent events was probably partly the result of nostalgia on his part. Maybe she doesn’t say silly things I do and maybe she’s not as crazy. She’s not as whacked, she’s not as stubborn and wakarinikui. Or something. Maybe he found me entertaining. Heck, I find myself entertaining.

But I think she’s a lot better for you than I am, honestly speaking. I know it’s not my place to say, and I know in a sense that our extremely horrible sense of humour sometimes so hard to be understood by others probably makes us some kind of a kindred spirit kind of thing. But well, it’s more than that, ainnit?

I know I say all the time that I don’t give a shit anymore, but funnily enough I still remember the most ridiculous details, like your favourite dish, your allergies, your likes and dislikes, your arse annoying habits. When I grilled salmon and tasted how delicious it was, I thought, hah, you’re sure missing out…because we both have salmon as our favourite fish. Every time I cook something nice, just like my excellent brownies, I’m reminded of how I was so gung ho about cooking (and baking. but we won’t go there because i’m a failure in that department.)

on that note I am a damn good cook. I will say it again and again. Because…well i like waht i cook! you wanna make something of it?

And then there’s you who for some weird reason, I successfully manage to forget except in very trace amounts. I think I’m getting used to your non-presence, but I suppose the stupid song reminds me that I’m basically whipped.

You know what, I think you’re weird. But I like it anyway. Because I will tell it to you without blinking an eye, and you would defend yourself or get defensive but I know you don’t mind and you know that I’m just being myself.

Every time I’m reminded of the time when you said “I love you, I really do,” i think my heart will shatter over and over again. How was I going to say that I love you, I really do, too?

Which is why I know I could not bring myself to love anybody else, I think. I don’t think there could be anyone else I love more than you.

(I exclude God and my mom, duh. that’s a different category.)


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