Posted by: the queen | November 26, 2009

finally met the other MA person. she’s really nice and funny and she’s pretty too. she’s a bit the snappy gen type, the kind who’s very kakkoi rather than ladylike and sweet girl type (I like to think of myself as a neutral androgynous type. I’m not very agressive but I’m not the girly type either. I”m like a blank. maybe a zero.), really really reminds me of something like gen or mari (but mari I think would probably be more similar to me, as she’s not as outwardly as agressive/intimidating as Gen can be) so yeah. already she’s invited me out for some cookout tomorrow night, but as it’s hari raya haji (thank god) I had to say no. the dept is going to find out how really antisocial I am…

i’m serious. I don’t quite like to go out. (my mom thinks otherwise). I like to go out. ALONE. without anyone in my face….I can do it occasionally to catch up with friends, but frankly speaking i find it a hassle and would rather sit at home and watch the tube, clack away, or sth. going out can tire me in many ways so. but if i have a purpose, like if I owe someone a meal, gifts and so on, yeah, of course I’d call them up and ask them to hang. but as in I know some people who make it a point to socialize, maybe ring up a few friends every weekend or every night, even, or make it a point to get involved…i’m not that kind of person. i don’t make it a point to do anything at all, and i’d prefer to sit back and watch clouds or something.

but i suppose i have more friends that I might even care for, so I’ve never had to feel what it’s like to be friendless. there’s always someone who’s rung me up or asked me to hang out. but I know people who are constantly with their friends and sometimes, I find their lifestyle irksome, because I’m quite “home-is-important-people-are-boring” ish in my thinking. when i watch them i feel tired.

anyway. ken, maybe because i was 2 feet away from him, asked me “you’re…” and i filled in the blank and he nods, in a way that makes me know dr l. has probably talked to him about me. that’s nice and not nice in a way. i really rather sink into a wall and be camouflaged for the remainder of my tenure, but already i’m becoming a bit famous. much too famous for my liking. i’ve never wanted to be famous because I do a lot of stupid things (like swear and get in trouble with authority) and when a lot of people know you, you just can’t do what you want anymore.

speaking of which, i had my first taste of a little bit of work. but I’m beginning to think that I should take this TAing thing as a service sector job. to always make people feel treasured, that they are worth – and I sincerely do believe so, really. Everyone deserves courtesy, and even more, if you can do it for them…it’s just the little bit we can do for mankind, so that it won’t regress to cavemanish behaviour. which i think singapore is pretty typical of…but I am very heartened by how students would say thank you and how they would be grateful that you say “oh, I think this might be a bit too light, so could you please shade it again, better not to risk it” or if you point out mistakes in their shading they’ll be really grateful and they say thank you. singapore’s young still have a hope. they’re not pissed that you know, you’re checking their papers and wasting their time…they actually do appreciate that you’re just trying ot make sure they don’t fail because of a wrong shading or something.

it’s lovely, and I did enjoy myself very much. every interaction i’ve had with all the students was very heartening. they were understanding and courteous and polite, and i did get some funny looks especially when i was scrutinizing their matric numbers to check, but I believe they eventually got it, and even if they didn’t at least they tolerated. (for all iknow they could be bitching about the over-zealousness of the invigilators right now, but dr h did tell them about people who failed because of such things and so I really do hope they understood the lengths we’ve had to go to just to ensure that they can get the marks they’ve wasted 2 hours of life for. )

I’m quite happy htat around 90% ofthe people whom I collected papers from would say tahnk you. maybe the percentage is probably higher. near 100% i should think. maybe even 100%. so courteous!

I hope that next batch’s students will be just as nice and understanding adn that we can work well together. I will certainly try my best as a ridiculously bumbling RS to help them figure out the shit that is academia, but I’ve taught before and I know things aren’t always nice and tickety boo. they’ll give you bad reviews, they’ll bitch abou tyou maybe – hell i was a student once adn i still am – but I would like to at least do my bit for them from my heart and for God. after all, things like reviews and shti don’t matter in the grave anyway. just as this japanese muslim convert(really lovely lady) said, sometimes, you do things and nobody gives a shit. But God does, no matter how small it is…that made me stop writing and really struck me to the core. which is why I’ve never (or at least i have tried, up to this point in my life) done things hoping that in the future someone else will reward me or will recognize it. as long as God recognizes it it’s good. if i give my seat up, i hope that God will reward me by inspiring someone else to give up their seat for my mother.

i am grateful to be of a faith which requires so much practice and remembrance. praying 5 times a day, for example. some times I feel really, really sorry for people who don’t believe in anything, who think that everything is just a myth or a social construct or wahtever. I feel really,r eally sad for them. because life becomes liek an empty shell for them. and i’m so grateful that every day, i wake up, and i am required to pray 5 times a day to be tahnkful for the situation that i’m in, that i don’t have muscle dystrophy, that i’m not fighting fo rmy life, because there are somepeople who are in so much more worse positions than i am and yet they are inspired to live life fully and to appreciate life for its beauty. i don’t think that if i dind’t pray 5 times a day i would remember God’s blessings. who would? few. and not often enough. even then praying 5 times we will never truly be able to comprehend the gravity of God’s gifts and blessings on us, someone said somewhere. but at least it is an effort to periodically remind us of who we are and how lucky we are to be where we are.

God has given me so many things that I could never think of it, But the greatest gift I think He has given me, is of happiness.

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